Dig Deep: Love & Relationships
By Leslie Veliz
This week’s topic is all about love! Relationships can be our everything or the bane of our existence. Single or not, this week’s advice has a little something for everyone. Hop on the love train and read on below! Remember to submit your questions every Friday to Dig Deep to be answered the following Wednesday.
What to do when you have been cheated on?
If you have suspicions or proof that your partner has cheated, I would tell them that you are aware. Personally, I believe that if someone cheats, the relationship is over. This is, of course, your decision to make, but once a partner cheats, there will always be a lack of trust. Several things go into having a healthy relationship—trust is one of them.
You’ll have to ask yourself if you are willing to move forward knowing that they have cheated and if you will be able to forgive them. It is never right to cheat, but if you do stay in the relationship, figure out and work on issues that could have led to cheating. Keep in mind that both partners need to be on board and want to work on the relationship. If one person isn’t, it might be best for the couple to go their separate ways.
What do you do when you’re stuck in a rut and want to freshen up the relationship (e.g. keep doing the same things over and over)?
Once the honeymoon phase is over, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine with your partner. This can work for some, but others might feel the need to revitalize the relationship. This is completely normal, especially if you are in a long term relationship. I recommend trying something new with your partner; take a day trip or do something else you’ve never done together to get out of the routine.
Our lives are a balancing act, so I would try to do this at least once a month. Perhaps you and your partner have different interests; try switching off! Do something you’d like to do with your partner that they typically wouldn't be interested in, and let them introduce you to something new!
I recently took my partner to a jazz show (something new for both of us). We had a great time and were excited about trying something new. There are plenty of events and places to go to in the Long Beach and Los Angeles areas, so do some research. If you are looking for a quick getaway, San Diego and Santa Barbara are romantic destinations and are less than three hours away from Long Beach!
How do you tell someone you’re seeing that you want to be official?
If you feel like you are ready to be exclusive with the person you’re dating, have a conversation with them. Tell them how you feel and why you’re ready to be exclusive, and ask them how they feel about it. This can be nerve-racking, but you definitely don’t want your relationship to be in a gray area. Perhaps you’ll find that they have been wanting to talk to you about making things official, too!
Before having this conversation with them, prepare yourself in case they don’t want to make things official. There are usually signs beforehand. Did they tell you from the very beginning that they wanted to be casual or that they were looking for something serious? Do they make time for you even if they’re busy or do they not make any effort? These are little things that can hint to you whether or not they want the same things you are looking for.
If you and your partner disagree on how to define your relationship, it may be time to move on. It’s not fair to you to date someone who doesn’t want to take things any further! Communication is key regardless, and there will be a point where you have the “What are we?” talk. As unpleasant as it is, you want to be able to know if things are heading in the direction you want them to or not.
How can I cope with everyone around me getting into relationships while being single and alone?
As the old saying goes: You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself. It’s natural to compare yourself to others, but don’t worry! Focus on what makes you happy and what you love about yourself, or take this time to learn to love yourself. This will make being in a relationship one day so much more meaningful, and it’ll help you find someone who values you as much as you value yourself.
Also, know that what you see on social media isn’t the whole picture. We often only show what we want people to see! Enjoy hanging out with friends and finding what makes you feel good. Overall, just know you are never truly alone and you will find someone who loves you for you.