Horror Nights: Ghosted Edition
Story By: Janelle Freire
You went on a few dates and you thought things were going well, but three days pass and nothing! No texts, no calls, or Snapchats. Did I just get ghosted? Well, chances are pretty high that you did.
According to Urban Dictionary, ghosting is “When a person cuts off all communication with the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand.” This term is used way too often, especially in a college community. This state of confusion can drive you crazy and lead to insecurity.
Dating in the 21st century is a different ballgame. Most people date with casual, “no-strings-attached” intentions. Ghosting has become so prevalent that low expectations are a new normal when it comes to first or even second dates. So why even date? Why put yourself out there just to get ghosted by someone whose idea of a date is taking you to the local Applebee’s. People can ghost for many reasons but here are the most common:
Confrontation is hard
Confronting someone you know is difficult, but confronting someone you barely know is even worse. You don’t want to hurt their feelings but the thought of another date with them makes your bones ache. Don’t pull the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, but just be honest. You don’t have to tell them the exact reasons why you’re not interested anymore, but just simply say “I just don’t feel we’re a match. You’re awesome and I really enjoyed the time we spent but I don’t feel it’s right to continue to date.” Doesn’t seem that bad, right?
2. They don’t maintain relationships well
You’re not the only ghosted person in this someone’s life. They haven’t talked to their own mother in almost two weeks- so don’t take it personally. They’re probably just really bad at communicating. This is nothing to hinder on, but you’re dodging a bullet considering communication is key to a lasting relationship. Either way, always remember “If a guy/girl wants to see you or talk to you, they will.”
3. They’re not happy with themselves
Unfortunately, for a lot of people, dating is overwhelming. If your life is already chaotic and full of depressional moods and anxiety, dating is not a healthy outlet. To date, you must be resilient, great at communicating, and flexible with your schedule. So once you’ve been on a couple of dates and things are starting to get serious, the person freaks out in fear of becoming committed at a season of their life they aren’t happy with.
While there is no precise, scientifically-based answer on why people ghost, we try and deal with the frustration and pain to merely cope with the minor “loss” of a potential partner. Don’t fixate too much on the “what ifs” scenarios- they will drive you insane. If they didn’t care about your feelings enough to communicate, why should you care? Their loss, honey.